31 Oct 2009
by Jamesin High School Files Tags: High School Files
During my Junior year in High School, my buddies and I loved online games, and we’d skip classes so we could play (and kick arse online!). There were various ways to do this, but in this file, I’ll be talking about the Sayotehan, or Sayote overgrowth (is this what it’s called?).
The Sayotehan was located near the Senior’s building. It was behind it, to be precise, and it led to the Athletic bowl, then eventually to Burnham Park, then eventually to freedom! Getting out of the campus through this method was tricky, and required adequate skills in ‘espionage’. We had to wait for the right time to go through, and we had to do it skillfully. We made sure that the risk of being caught was at its minimum, checking if there were any of the students or school personnel around. Then when all system were a go, we’d be over the fence, through the over growth and gone, on our way to our trivial and simpleton delights, that we soon realized, cost a fortune of our allowance!
At first though, we were not the professionals we turned out to be; we were spotted often and had so many bloopers. The first was when the fence was greased, and our buddy rushed to it without taking a second look. One time, my fat, or ‘big boned’ rather, buddy jumped off the fence and tumbled down down down… Another time, my buddy slipped on spoiled rice and had the stuff all over his pants. Another time yet again, this guy who went along with us tripped on some weed and we found him lying on the ground like a bikini model, with his head resting on his hand, leaning on his elbow and all that. There were so many more we experienced in that hole. Now, it’s gone, and when I visited my Alma mater and checked if it was still around, I was overwhelmed by all the concrete in where it used to be.
I’m not proud of it, but cutting classes was part of my high school life; and its’ twin, getting found out by our parents, too (I have quit doing it). Anyway, here I am, just reminiscing, looking back and rambling about the good old days.
23 Oct 2009
by Jamesin Poetry Tags: Poetry
i hear you
but i don’t understand;
i can’t process
what you’re saying
so shut up
and leave me alone
+++
you look at me
when i speak
but you don’t listen
you don’t show me
you love me
so i’ll just shut it and leave
+++
you’re gone
but it doesn’t make a difference
what now?
come back;
i was wrong
now, i’m alone
23 Oct 2009
by Jamesin High School Files Tags: High School Files
I was going through the documents saved on my computer and I came across this, my high school graduation speech(?) two years ago. I couldn’t help but reminisce. During those days, all I wanted was to get out of what I used to call a ‘hole’, but after two years, I kinda miss it.
+++
After four long, tiring, annoyingly excruciating yet fun filled years, I finally graduated from high school. I’m free of fixed schedules, anticipating recess, UNIFORM, cleaner’s schedules, cheer dancing, passing of notebooks, etc. Things I really dislike.
Before graduation day, I never really cared about the commencement exercises and ceremonies. I just wanted to get it over with and attain my diploma. I wished it was that simple; meet the required average to pass, get my diploma then scram and never show up at my high school ever again. Yes, I thought of never coming back to my Alma mater. But as days passed and graduation day neared, I started to feel tense and jittery, nervous and worried; I was sort of afraid to march up the stage, receive my diploma from the superintendent and shake the principal’s hand. I was mostly afraid to say goodbye to my friends. I’ve been with them for four years. We’ve had so many experiences together(both bad and worse…I mean good and best! he he) and all of a sudden it’s time to say goodbye. It’s not the typical “catch you later” or “see you tomorrow” goodbye, it’s the “farewell my friend, I’ll never see you again” kind of bid. Okay, I’m exaggerating. But if you were in my place, I think you’d feel the same.
Then the time finally came and everything was… normal(exciting when it’s your turn to march, boring when you had to wait, fun when the main speaker started, disappointing when the valedictorian injects Harry potter into her speech , overwhelming when you all sing the Grad Song, tear-jerking when you feel the warm hugs of your friends as you congratulate each other and say your I love yous and goodbyes).
Today was fun. Every expectation was met and we’re all satisfied. Graduation truly is a blessing. And now, I have a second chance and a new beginning. A second chance to prove myself to myself in the academic aspect. A new beginning; my slate has been cleaned all over again. This time, I choose to take advantage of every single opportunity that comes my way, so help me God.
+++
12 Oct 2009
by Jamesin Poetry Tags: Poetry
Drenched in rain
Sight enriched by crimson
Body dead and broken
Bones seared by wax
Heart numb with vengeance
Soul condemned to ruin
Lingers by the hopeless ruin
Cursing through eternal rain
Candle fails to mourn wax
Whole utterly broken
Driven by unholy vengeance
Brewed a deathly crimson
Lips so vibrant crimson
Fated to be broken
Skin as velvet wax
Scourged to sadist ruin
Tears tender as rain
Evanescent; dissipate vengeance
Vision blinded by vengeance
Strides coarse and broken
Cries loud as rain
Summons absolute ruin
Blood a ghastly crimson
Melting into wax
Brittle as the frozen wax
Defences crumble a ruin
Wishing for unwistful rain
So the deliverance of vengeance
Conceit as dark as crimson
Pride like iron broken
Faith and trust are broken
Lives quelled to hell and ruin
Love shattered as candle wax
Passion dabbed by devastated rain
Peace slithers like evil crimson
Self advanced by vengeance
Desperately broken; lurking in ruin
Deadened by rain; sealed in scorching wax
Vengeance never taken; bathed in bloody crimson
12 Oct 2009
by Jamesin Rants Tags: Rants
Psalms 25:18
“Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins.”
Some time ago, Kuya Leo Arnaiz, my basketball coach and friend, led our devotion with this verse. It spoke to him, and moved me.
David asked God to look at his pain and affliction, but did not ask Him to remove them. David’s prayer was for God to look at his pains and if they were there for his own good, leave them there. Sabi niya, “Tignan mo ako Lord, tignan mo sakit ko, kahirapan ko. Ikaw na bahala mag-decide. Kung sa tingin mo para sa ikabubuti ko ito, iwan mo lang jan….”
Next he says:
“…and forgive all my sins.”
David was a man after God’s own heart; he knew the heart of God, he knew how God looked at sin. He knew that God hates sin. David did not want sin in his life because he knew this.
I just want to share this with everyone. Let this be our prayer as well. Be like David, know God’s heart.
04 Oct 2009
by Jamesin Prose Tags: Prose
I leaned on the edge of the desk, holding her gaze that penetrated like murder. Eyed her steadily, munching on a pear. She obviously had the urge to cry, but pride held back the tears. Her expression was not frightened, unsurprised; officious even, like she was a very powerful woman who was not to be fucked with. But inevitably, she faltered, like a child’s faith crushed and money thrown down the drain. Her head dipped, hands shook and her shape receded before my eyes.
I closed in, knelt before the bed on which she sat, allowing her to cling, allowing her to placate herself. She wept on my shoulder, silently retching. She was a mess; worse than a library missing a book, or a paperback lacking a page. She swallowed each sob painfully and shuddered as she inhaled from her smoke.
“That horrible message…” she murmured, clutching her mobile phone. I stirred, too brusquely, perhaps. “Why so cold?” she inquired, glaring at me with fiery, yet desperate eyes. I did not respond, but stayed where I was. She fondled my hair and kissed me, hammering her mouth against mine.
It felt like cashmere; her lips were smudged with a pasty, brown substance, almost the color of her wonderful skin. Her diamond teeth and lurid gums sought mine. My heart raged, but I hesitated. Reserved, I broke away. The pass was a new and unexpected turn; dreamy, inevitable enough, but alien. Altogether different.
There was a warm and musty silence, like in a caravan, traveling under Summer’s heat. Diagonal smoke from her cigarette was spangled by a thousand grains of dust, highlighted by a shaft of Autumn sun. She stubbed the cigarette and let out her last smoke, smiling at me bitterly. I squeezed her leathery wrists, pecked her cheeks and said goodbye.
As I walked away, I could hear her hoarse moans and feel her heart break. It pained me, but I had made a decision. A decision to save her, but would ironically, leave her bleeding.
02 Oct 2009
by Jamesin Rants Tags: Rants
Staring straight into the vastness of space, you feel your body getting heavier each passing second you listen to Maroon 5. “Maybe we’re better off this way…it’s better that we break.” That’s when you realize that you’re not fine, your not okay. You need a break, a long pause. As your eyes are opened to realistic possibilities, your imagination sprints into a rage; an outbreak of imaginative prospects and visions, driving you to the ends of the realm of sanity. Your heart then questions your minds beliefs and what used to be a propriety is now what bothers what you called your unbotherable conscience.Then you start to think wishfully.
“I wish I had…I wish I could…I wish…I wish…”
02 Oct 2009
by Jamesin Poetry Tags: Poetry
At the brink
Of this apple pie order
I am told it is
Anybody’s and everybody’s game
However, nobody
Is making either rhyme or reason
I never wanted this
But I find it is too late
I’ll stay here, with you
You ask me to pretend to be happy
You demand I conform
You dare I live your lies
I fear; I compromise
I am haunted by my pretenses
Get away! Get away!
Let me be, at least for a moment
I long to be free of a chaotic mind
I itch to rid myself of this poolside paranoia
02 Oct 2009
by Jamesin Poetry Tags: Poetry
Patiently she waited
Burying her temples
In the solace of silence
She embraced solitude
Firmly believing
The virtue in fidelity
The earth crumbled virulently
She did not vacillate
Firm as rock she held her ground
The vociferous maelstrom roared
She exuded resilience
Her conviction exuberant
Ravished, she was devastated; shattered
Robust, she conquered, vanquishing all adversary
She endowed his heart, claiming majesty
02 Oct 2009
by Jamesin Poetry Tags: Poetry
Upon receiving the verdict
An anchor dragged his heart
To the depths of the deepest waters
It was not fair
He gave what he thought was sufficient
His mind was uneasy
He knew what to expect
But nothing could have prepared him
For what was to come
He was in denial
He heaved a dreadful sigh
Faced the floor and bit his lip
Faked composure and calm
But his eyes betrayed him
He was a tragedy
He dared not look
Yet restless fingers
Communicated the contrary
Of his façade
Stares bore on him
Demanding explanation
He could give none
They searched him, inquiring
Yet to no avail
He knew not what to feel
His body made no inclination
To respond
After his tete – a – tete
With destiny
He ventured to escape
He was out of himself
Various thoughts
Flooded his mind in an instant
And their weight
Began to sink in
He was at loss
Realizations
Kindled his disappointment
And fanned the embers
Of his anger
Alas! He was rage
He contemplated
The furtherance of his existence
He prayed
But doubted God would acquiesce
Hope was lost
Death trounced
The anchor
Pulling his weary heart
Met the pedestal
He was consummated
Previous Older Entries
Recent Ham