Hoolahoops

Dear Diary

23 Aug 2010 2 Comments

by Jamesin Rants Tags: 2010, Random, Rants

Dear Diary (epic fail)

Today I saw my crush. She wore a pink top and– Seriously!? What’s up with that dear diary thing? This ain’t a chick flick!

Have you ever ever experienced having your body react to your dreams, while you’re dreaming? I have. It really sucked ’cause back then my right ankle was badly sprained to the point of me being bed ridden. I was dreaming of being on the soccer field, running with the ball dancing around my legs (quite impossible in real life, but in my dreams my football moves are sicker than Cristiano Ronaldo’s). Then unconsciously, my legs jerked. The pain of kicking out with a bad ankle sent my mind into overdrive, causing my senses to go into red alert. Pumped with adrenaline, I sat straight up.

Maui kept laughing at me when I told him and my mom about it the next morning at breakfast. I sensed Mama wanted to laugh with him, but she showed the face of a concerned parent. Oh well it was weeks ago so whatever.

I deleted a lot of my connections on Facebook. From 600+, my friend list is at 300+. They were basically people I didn’t know and people who I had no business with and who didn’t have business with me (besides blog followers could connect with James Lontoc Dot Com). Does that make me a snob? I don’t think so. With all the internet crime and internet bull, I believe it’s best to be careful and stay safe. It’s not wise to accept requests from strangers. Privacy is called privacy for a reason. It’s my right anyway.

Ah, rights. A few days ago my rights were violated. At an overpass, some dude tried to pick my pocket. Good thing I felt it; if not, I would’ve been broke for the rest of the week. When I felt it I turned around to find his hand on my wallet (whew, he was an amateur), I acted on impulse and punched him on the jaw. He scurried away like a sewer rat. I might’ve been wrong by punching him, because I could’ve screamed ‘MAGNANAKAW’ or something, but the more I think about it the more I believe that punching him was not wrong at all. I basically acted instinctively; it is man’s instinct to protect his rights. I was protecting myself from being violated, and smacking his face was a means of self defense. Besides, screaming ‘MAGNANAKAW’ is sort of a chick thing. Or a palengkera thing, palengkera is great but it doesn’t suit me.

Anyway. Today I learned a new word. It’s medically related and it’s the term for repetitiveness, basically. It’s when something is said or asked over and over again (e.g. kung di nanalo si noynoy si erap presidente… kung di nanalo si noynoy si erap presidente… sige ulitin niyo pa!). The word is echolalia.

Cookies and Cream

14 Aug 2010 2 Comments

by Jamesin Rants Tags: High School Files, Random, Rants, writer

Thank God it’s the weekend. I’ve had quite a hectic week, and R&R is welcomed with arms wide open. Last night while waiting for the jeep to embark, I witnessed a real life soap opera in live action. I always used to think that soap scenes could never be the same as reality because to me, they seemed exaggerated and too melancholic. But last night’s incident made me realize that the poignancy they display is actually based on what happens in real life. It was a refreshing eye opener. Perhaps as refreshing as it will be after I shave.

Speaking of realizations. We are living in a post modern society, where innovations and new stuff are illustrated everywhere. Automobiles, fashion, computers, and even dating, have all been bitten by the post modernization bug (we are modern, but we want to modernize modern). Nevertheless, I find that the classics still attract me best, for most things (since I cannot imagine myself living in a generation without modern technology). There is just something ineffable about classics that is so cool. Classic books, classic shoes, classic music, classic styles, you name it. The classics rule.

I missed the classic sound of a television. I seriously have not heard it for a while, and again, it is very refreshing. Abstain from one thing for a long time and when you get back to it, the feeling is indescribable. One can’t really describe how expensive white chocolate would taste like after months of eating only cheap, bitter chocolate. It would be like being in love I guess, and describing that is no walk in the park, especially since the said park is post modern.

Oh how I love white chocolate! Give me a bar of Hershey’s Cookies and Cream, and you could be certain you’d have made my day. Just a bite off of that bar would make me forget all my academic stress. Nothing beats recharging by savoring something you love so much. That’s why I’m recharged every time I write. I love writing; it is my life.

Since writing is a big part of my life, I plan to live off of it. Certainly, you’ve been asked what you think you will be doing in the next five, ten years. You’d probably answered, brewing coffee for the top honcho of Microsoft, cooking food for President Obama, tending the bar of the Copacabana, or perhaps manning the cash register in the nth 7Eleven (by the way, I had a blueberry latte from 7Eleven before going home tonight, and it was superb).

In my case, I answered, “In the next five years, I see myself sitting on a hammock with a Mac on my lap, typing away a commentary on a random social issue as fast as I can just so my editor won’t annihilate me. I’d be working for a national paper or magazine, earning just enough to pay the bills, gasoline, and my mother’s regular gym sessions. ”

I’m quite the dreamer don’t you think? Well, it is advised to dream big. I remember a saying stuck on the walls of my classrooms in High School. It said “Aim for the moon. ‘Cause if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” or something close to that effect. It didn’t really make sense to me back then, but now I see the significance of it. It’s like “If you’re blind, just keep shooting. You’ll hit the target soon enough.” or “Just keep picking, you’ll nail that booger in a minute!” if you know what I mean (wait a sec, what do I mean?). Point is, dream big, do your part, and God will do His.

Well, I better get some of that R&R. MacGyver sounds good to me or perhaps a chapter of old Arsene Lupin. Be seein’ ya.

Hey. Goodnight!

10 Aug 2010 2 Comments

by Jamesin QuickPress, Rants Tags: 2010, 90's kid, Random, Rants

This English Major had a relatively tiring day. Had to get to school early to practice for the upcoming group activity (live performance meeting) for my Parliamentary class on Wednesday, which half of the members by the way missed (those who wanted to practice weren’t there, so if they flunk they can’t blame those of us who sacrificed).

Then I had to attend three major subjects ’til 6 pm. Afterwards I had a ball game in which I played about four (?) minutes, and then had a Double Cheese Burger and Monster Rockin’ Ruby Float at McDonald’s. Maui and I got home at about 10:30. I’m quite drained, but I can’t complain. This day was productive, thus great. Thank you God.

Good night Blog Sphere and faithful (?) readers. And to the all the Sakata Gintoki fans and Batang 90′s like me. Que vivirá para siempre Batang 90′s! Espero que haya dulces sueños, hermoso pueblo.

Funny News

17 Jul 2010 No Comments

by Jamesin QuickPress Tags: Crazy, Random

I was searching the Web for news articles to brush up on my straight news writing, when I came across a site that had a bunch of funny news articles. I thought I’d share a few of the laughs with you. Have a great Saturday!

Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign
September 9, 2002 – Atlanta, USA
In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his ‘complete and full stop’. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be ‘consistent with typical driving patterns’ caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was “I am quite capable of deciding when it is a good or bad time to stop my vehicle.”

Worlds Cheapest Tip
September 1, 2002 – Arkansas, USA
An Arkansas primary school teacher has been declared the worlds cheapest tipper after ordering more than $250 worth of food and drinks for his wife and self and leaving a 5 rupee tip. Rupee, an Indian currency, is worth approximately 0.02 of an American dollar. When questioned the man replied, “I had just returned from a trip to India and I had mistaken the coins for more valuable American currency.” Relaying this to the offended waitress she responded, “His excuse is weak, since when would you be cracking out foreign coins (that do not even resemble American money) as a tip for a $250 dollar dinner? There is no way with a bill like that you would use coins to tip at the customary 10%-15%, and even tipping at something like 3% would still need bills. His tip wasn’t even a percent!”

Lack of Talent Contest Being Held for Next Batch of Mac Commercials
July 22, 2002 – New York, USA
Apple’s new “Switch” television ad campaign, featuring people who didn’t quite know what to do with a Windows based PC that moved to that Mac platform, will continue into the summer season. In order to find actors similarly dense and ignorant to the ones featured in the first batch of commercials, Apple will be holding a Lack of Talent contest. Campaign producer Ted Zielchman commented, “All of the actors we were getting from the talent agencies were too intelligent, and these are people who are usually rejected based on lack of intelligence, so we are faced with a unique problem. I believe though, based on the applicants for the contest so far, we have some likely candidates. Some were unable to even spell their name and had that ‘not so bright look on their face’ – consistent with the first batch of actors we used. The first batch were easy to find, we visited the local district Mac Club. After that we simply had a hard time finding anyone willing to admit being an Apple user.”

Publisher Releases Guide to Kicking Cats
July 25, 2002 – USA
The 45 page colour instructional book entitled “Kicking Cats” guides men through the process of kicking cats down flights of stairs without repercussions from their spouse or girlfriends. “It isn’t as easy as one would think to successfully do and get away with”, comments author John Moore. “I was caught numerous times by my at the time girlfriends and eventually became determined to develop a fail-proof process. This book represents years of studying, practicing, research and an estimated 150 test cats. At first I was somewhat alarmed by my dislike for cats, when considering how much my girlfriends and ex-wife liked them. But after talking to scores of other men about my pent up feelings of anger towards cats, I realized I was far from alone. That is why the introduction goes into great detail about the history of cat kicking and some of the current theories on men’s hatred of cats. The secret to a successful kick is to first befriend the cat, building its trust in you. It is when the cat is truly relaxed and comfortable around you that you can then angle it towards the stair case for a mighty punt.”

Man Never Misses Trip To Gym For 5 Years
July 29, 2002 – Florida, USA
In an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, a Florida man hired a hit man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his 3 weekly workouts for the past 5 years. “At first I thought the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn’t waste the money – but that didn’t work. Within weeks I was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go. So I decided that if money wouldn’t promote me to go, losing my life would. The hit man idea has worked like a charm, maybe even too good. There were some times that I truly would have preferred not to go, like that time I had bronchial asthmatic pneumonia. I’ve never had so much dark green mucus running down my face in my life, you should have seen that treadmill afterwards. But with all its ups and downs, my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were expensive gym fees have been over shadowed by the high cost of the hit man. Now that I want to stop, I can’t because I told him to shoot me if I told him I wanted to give up.”

c/o: http://www.lotsofjokes.com/funny_news_articles.asp

i.e. vs. e.g.

10 Jul 2010 No Comments

by Jamesin Fast Facts, QuickPress Tags: Random

A significant number of individuals (I included) often make the mistake of using the abbreviation i.e. instead of e.g. when giving examples. We should know that i.e. and e.g. are two Latin abbreviations with different meanings and uses.

i.e. stands for ‘id est’, which means ‘that is’. Proper usage of this would be when you are trying to expound on something, not when you are giving an example. It’s equivalent is most likely ‘in other words…’.

That dog is aesthetically challenged (i.e. ugly ).

e.g. on the other hand, stands for Latin ‘exempli gratia’ which basically means ‘for the sake of example’ or ‘an example would be’. Obviously, this is what must be used when giving examples.

I’d like to visit a European country (e.g. England, Spain, France).

I hope this quick info has been helpful.

Alien Theory Revised

09 Jul 2010 1 Comment

by Jamesin Pinoy, Rants Tags: 2010, Crazy, Jejemon, Pinoy, Random, Rants

I am quite fond of crazy, out of this world theories and theorizing. This hobby of mine began in high school, when I noticed that Koreans have been settling in Baguio and several other parts of the R.P. There are so many of them already to date. The theory I came up with at that time was based on two basic facts:

1. All Korean men are required to serve in the military for at least two years.

2. The Philippine Army’s weaponry and facilities are prehistoric (I mean, the previous government under GMA spent millions to buy aircraft which were remnants of the US Army during the Second World War), hence quite inadequate to defend and impose itself.

The basic premise of my theory was that these Koreans (with mandatory military training) entered the Philippines under the guise of students wanting to learn English. But the fact is that they are spies/soldiers sent to the R.P. little by little, until their entire army is in the country. Of course, the women and children were sent along with them to make their disguise more believable and to make their lives easier as well. When the Korean army finally outnumbers the Filipinos, Korea would send in their arms via giant cargo planes and their fighter jets, and the Korean army planted in the Philippines would conquer our motherland. And it would happen right under our noses. When the Philippine government is overthrown and when the Filipinos have nil chance of victory, Korea would rename the Republic of the Philippines to KOREAN Republic of the Philippines. The free nation our forefathers shed blood for would be reduced to a colony bastardized by a foreign country.

Yes, I know that that theory is outrageous; fear not, I am sane. And if I have any Korean readers, please understand that I am in no way trying to bash or offend you, and to my Filipino readers, I am in no way trying to upset you. But you have to admit that our nation’s strength does not lie in its army, but in the unity of its people.

Recently, I posted a post entitled Alien Theory, which aimed to prove the existence of aliens. The premise was quite simple: the peculiar fashion of this generation’s teenagers is proof of the existence of aliens. Fashion items like shutter shades, jeans with weird and random prints, shiny fluffy jackets, and space boot shoes are actually alien fashion, sent into Earth by the Mother Ship. Those who wear them can be identified by the Mother Ship as their representatives on Earth and to Humanity. A prime representative then, I guess would be Pop artist Justin Bieber.

However, I have made some additions to the theory, that might serve as further evidence of alien existence. I’m sure most of us, if not all, are aware of the Jejemon Phenomenon. The said phenomenon is an unexplainable trend in Pinoy text messaging, in which the author of the text message uses the Jejebet as his main medium of writing, or typing so to speak. The finished message is more often than not, misunderstood by the reader, unless the reader is himself a Jejemon. In reality though, Jejenese (the colloquial term for the Jejemon language ) is a form of alien language devised by the Mother Ship, and sent to their earthly representatives. It is is a language the aliens understand. It is the main medium of communication from earthly representative to Mother Ship and vice versa. Alien communication vis a vis Jejenese. Recently, a dialect of the alien language Jejenese has been discovered: Harharnese. It is a language in which regular human words are spelled up side down, and with numerical figures if I am not mistaken.

Put together, evidence of alien existence are:

1. Mainstream teen fashion
2. Justin Bieber
3.The Jejemon Phenomenon

If this theory is not enough to convince you, I don’t know what will. There have been documentaries on UFOs and alien existence in the past, and maybe you could check them out.

On a serious (haha) note though, I don’t really believe in the Korean invasion or in aliens. But I am not discounting the possibility of both either. Like I said, I am fond of out of this world theories and theorizing. I am a writer after all.

Oxymoron

05 Jul 2010 3 Comments

by Jamesin Rants Tags: Random, Rants

I’ve always wondered why we forget about the good in other people while they’re alive, and remember them when those people are six feet under. During funerals,we say all these great stuff about how wonderful the dead person was when he was living; great stuff we wouldn’t even say while he was breathing. In fact, we might have even said bull about those people while they were alive.

I find the irony quite disturbing. Slandering the person while he’s alive, then complimenting him and mourning for him when he’s dead. Take for example Micheal Jackson. When he was alive, people labeled him a pedophile (amongst other things e.g. freak, Wacko Jacko, etc) and believed it, despite his being proven innocent. Jokes and mockeries about Micheal flooded (they still do actually) mainstream and non mainstream media around the globe. But when he died, the same people mourned, sang his hits on the streets, had so many tributes… they remembered how great he was as a musician and how much he contributed to the music industry and to the world as a philanthropist.

The pic isn’t really related, but I think it’s cool.

Isn’t it a bit hypocritical, or at the very least contradictory? I believe so. It’s an oxymoron I don’t really understand and appreciate, especially because I cannot claim to be innocent of it. Human nature? Sure, whatever.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philipians 4:8 KJV

This should apply, whether the person be dead or living.

Alien Theory

02 Jul 2010 No Comments

by Jamesin QuickPress Tags: 2010, Crazy, Random

In theory, I think aliens exist, or at the very least, existed (haha). Proof of this would be a segment of today’s mainstream teen fashion. If you haven’t noticed, jackets look like shiny space suits and shoes look like space boots. Jeans have these weird prints on them, and the sunglasses have shutters across the lenses, which in my opinion have no functional purpose. Alien clothes have seemingly found their way into teenagers’ closets, and are derisory to those who wear them. But on the contrary, some people may actually find them cool. No harm meant if that’s the case.

Alien Jacket

Alien Shades

Alien Jeans

Alien Shoes

Space Boots